i think i have two assholes
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
