fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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