shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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