party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
