When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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