So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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