Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
