Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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