I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
