I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
