"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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