dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
