i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
