I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
