shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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