That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
