I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
