I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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