I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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