We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
