I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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