This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize