Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
