I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
