i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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