Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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