Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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