I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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