I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I fill condoms, not promises.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
