I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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