Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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