oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
