I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
