now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
