Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
