If i come over, it means nothing
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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