so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
