My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
