im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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