I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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