I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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