This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
