Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i think i have two assholes
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
