Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
