Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I still have a little drunk in my system
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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