You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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