i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
