I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
