Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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