I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
