literally had 100 drinks last night.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
