The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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