i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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