I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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