Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
