Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Randomize
