If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
