remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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