I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
