how hairy? two words: wookie tits
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
