also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
