I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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