So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
