my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
