Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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