i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
