After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
These tits shall not be calmed
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
