D3 body, D1 cock
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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