someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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