I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
