my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
