He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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