i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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