garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
