Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize