Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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