I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
