I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
