3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
