I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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