You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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